am i there yet?

Well...I could start off this post explaining how busy the past month or two or three have been. How I've just started my laundry tonight after over a month of laundry non-doing, how every spare second I seem to have is spent cleaning the house, or working on our deck. How we've had the cable cut for almost a month and I haven't even noticed, how I thought Friday would be my last hectic day before summer started, which was pushed until Saturday, then Sunday, then Monday, then Tuesday...well Wednesday (today) wasn't so bad...but I won't...well I guess I already have, haven't I?

So, let's see what's changed:

1) I've finished my last big stationery project - some gorgeous wedding invites for a friend, though we're not quite done as she still needs some stationery items for her reception, though the order won't be as big or complicated.

2) I've finished teaching regular private lessons until September, though I'll be keeping a few students on throughout the summer.

3) Our deck is slowly coming along - my mom says it all the time, and she's so right - how on earth did we get this far with the limited amount of time Noel and I have to spend on it?? Anyway, I'm hoping it's done in enough time to enjoy it this summer and still have time to replant the grass and make our back yard look healthy.

4) We've been mostly refunded for our shoddy fence job done last November. SUPER! We'll fix the gate and leave the rest to be dealt with next year I think.

5) We now have 2 leaky toilets instead of 1...oh the perils. Thankfully they leak into the bowl and not onto the floor...still though. Waste of water and money.

6) Altra Volta has finished up for the summer too, our last concert was on Sunday and we rocked!

7) I've almost secured times for all my students in the fall, so my schedule is firming up nicely and I've changed my working hours to be done at 6:30 everyday, rather than working till 8:00 some days. This allows my brain to relax in the evening like normal people, and hopefully Noel and I can have dinner together once in a while, and not just at his parents' house!

8) I've found a new dentist who actually cares about my teeth and their future health, not just their health 'right now'. Her name is Dr. Cedergren. She's fabulous.

9) I decided not to take the position on the board for Alberta Winds, which takes a HUGE load off of this summer and in the future, though I'll still be taking care of small marketing tasks.

10) Sweeney Todd music is in, so I've got to go get that picked up soon!!

Hang on a sec...this is suddenly turning into a to-do list...uh oh. Anyway, there are a tonne of things I want to do this summer. I want to paint pictures for our bedroom, develope wedding photos, throw cute Martha Stewart style parties on our new deck when it's done. I want to move the shed and plant a vegetable garden. I want to have lush green healthy grass. I want to clear out the guest room and basement. I want to re-evaluate the possibility of getting a dog this summer, I want to face-lift our front yard that looks like absolute hell right now (though I love the idea of halting the wide-spread use of herbicides). I want some time with my husband to plan our trip while in NY. I want to paint my toe nails, have breakfasts with my husband again. I just want to LIVE! I believed all of this could happen, but so far my everyday life has been filled with these little tasks that I just can't seem to shake!! I think I'm stuck in a timewarp of stress, and I can't remember how to get out!! Imagining having a dog or even babies in the future makes me really panicky right now - I never thought things could be this busy!

Ok, good news then - we're going camping with close friends next weekend, if that doesn't get me out of this rut I don't know what will! And it'll be good to go on more coffee dates with my girlfriends, and continue to plan our July road trip together, and I should take advantage of having my mom work with us on the deck and have mother-daughter conversations with her too.

I guess I believe life will get back to normal, I just thought it would have happened by now and it's freaking me out a little bit. I can't live like this forever!

Well it was good to get bits and pieces of that out, I can't seem to form sentances well enough to say it all outloud. But this was good enough. I've begun to think that I shouldn't be using two different blogs to discuss basically the same things...initially I thought it would be a good idea to not pollute the family blog with junk like this, but maybe it belongs there? Who knows...maybe it will make more sense when I've got a proper head on my shoulders. This post turned out a little more depressing than I meant it to be! Can't wait to feel good again posting about silly little things that make my world go 'round...

♥

happy april fool's

I usually forget about these little special days, but today is turning out to be particularly wonderful!

First of all, it's payday (cha-ching!). I woke up early, got a head start on things I needed to get done today - almost finished an order of invitations, found some awesome papers to make Tamara's birthday card, had lunch from Tim Horton's (and because it was April Fool's, I got my second wrap free!) I came home, put everything onto real dishes and watched the news that I recorded last night. I definitely should have gotten bigger than a medium coffee though...but my consolation was buying a big can of Timmy's coffee, so we can have it at home...I will probably make some more in a couple hours before I start teaching.

I'm also feeling particularly inspired today, I should make good use out of that and practice...but it's not the practicing sort of inspiration. I'm feeling a great need to document the pieces I have played and recorded, and to share them with the world (really just to stick them online). I was listening to CBC today and entirely recognized the piece that was being played, but I couldn't remember the name or composer, and couldn't pin-point where or when I played it, or with whom. I think it was the UofC Wind Ensemble a few years back, but there were parts that I seemed to remember playing in the Red Deer Symphony orchestra on piccolo with Lucy on flute...it upsets me when I can't remember things like this more vividly. Such amazing experiences; such mediocre memories. Darn.

What I would love more than anything right now is to get my hubby to learn some beautiful classical guitar and flute pieces with me *ahem* (he's reading this). Maybe we can have a weekly rehearsal, just like you rehearse with Shaft Monkey's. Pleeease? I want to really learn things, and learn them good. Learn them so good that we can record a CD and give it friends and family, and use it as a promotional tool. I want to arrange kids lullabies and make a baby CD...so much to do, so little time!! It's really nice to even just dream about it for now though, I know it will all happen one day without me even realizing it.

A nice cake-topper for the afternoon, I got an email from a students' mom who I've known for years, telling me about the impact that I have made, and thanking me for being such an influence on her kids' life. Her daughter said, "Mom, I just couldn't live without Hilary, I just love her." AHH! I love you too!! haha Great kids, incredible family. I'm very lucky to have them in my life too :)

I don't feel like being finished blogging yet...

So what else can I fit into the next couple of hours. I need to make some labels for Noel, stuff the invites, think of what to get Tamara for her birthday, pay some bills, pick the next piece for Noel and I to learn, pick a piece for me to learn, create a recital announcment for our students...maybe that will be good enough.

Ok looks like I should go, this was fun!

unbelievable

I got the bomb of my lifetime (thus far) dropped on me this past weekend. A neighbor of mine decided that it would be better to complain to the city about running a business out of my home, rather than take it up with me - sweet little me, am I really that unapproachable??

So here I am, thinking life is finally starting to wind down and get itself organized, and I get this terrible letter in the mail on Saturday regarding the complaint, and the city looked into my business and found that I didn't have a permit or a licence to run music lessons out of my home. AHH! I really didn't even know that I had to have one. I've been teaching for almost 10 years, and hadn't thought about applying seriously even once. I thought it was optional, something you did if you wanted to claim your name to your business, or be 100% official. I was fine being unofficial. I get paid, I do my taxes like everyone else. So what's the problem?

Well, apparently, my neighbor doesn't like it when parents wait in their idling cars on main public roads. I can safely assume exactly which neighbor filed the complaint - a parent of a student told me that while she was idling for not even 2 minutes on the blvd, my grumpy neighbor stuck an "IDLE FREE ZONE" sign on her window inside the house. This was just a week or two ago, so things are lining up nicely here for that ridiculous neighbor. But seriously, we've seen them a million times, and although we don't know each other I thought we were all friendly and looked out for each other. So why not just come and talk to me about it? I have the ability to tell my students where to not park, and in fact I did so immediately after receiving the letter, assuming it had to do with extra traffic that I generated. I had NO IDEA that idling cars would become an issue. Wow.

The next step is to apply for a permit and a licence (that's $450 by the way - without even knowing whether it will be approved or not). I'm pretty sure the city will be fine with it, as there are music teachers that teach out of home everywhere in the city. But ultimately, the public gets to decide whether I can keep my business or not. That is the scariest thing I've ever had to deal with. My mind is constantly focused on that issue, and on finding ways to make myself as invisible as possible so that no one realizes they can actually do anything about it. I think that after I've applied, before the city puts a BIG SIGN on my lawn for people to complain about, I'm going to talk to that wretched neighbor (very politely, of course) without accusing them of anything. I'll say that I'm applying for a permit, and that I've made changes to my parking/idling policies, that I'm sorry I ever offended them in any way, and to come to me next time before they go and screw me over.

Please hope with me that it all works out.

The hardest part is feeling like I'm not free to do as I wish in my own home. The second I leave my door I feel like people are watching my every move. I didn't know that people actually had that much time on their hands, to be so fixated on the comings and goings around my own home. Seriously, really? I feel utterly violated, like I have no privacy. I had to take pictures of my own house to give to the city. And how does one neighbor have so much say in what I do and don't do - how does idling cars justify this kind of up-roar?! I'm so confused, lost, alone - even though Noel is SOOO extra caring and supportive about all of this. It's really hard for me to stay positive, I think mostly because it's completely out of my hands once I hand the permit application in (which has taken 4 days for me to do, when it should have been 10 minutes). I think subconsciously I'm trying to avoid handing the application in so that I can't get negative feedback. Even though I know that after March 20th, running my business is going to become illegal...still it's hard to get it done.

So I'm kind of stuck in limbo. I don't know for sure what's going to happen, although I'm really trying very hard to stay positive so that the power of my positive thinking will put things in the right direction. It has to work out, it must. Therefor it will. Right?

great day, great kids

Although it was one of the longest days of teaching I've had in years, or maybe ever - 8 hours, almost straight - I can definitely say that I'm proud of my students today, and that it was a great day for me, and them. A few of my students are taking RCM exams this week. There were definitely a 'few' moments of doubt weeks ago, when scales still hadn't been learned, and rhythms were still sounding like they were backwards. I would be as fierce and as strict as I could be (hating every moment of being 'mean', or my version of it), and still not be able to get the point across about how important it was to be prepared early.

After 8 years of teaching private students, I should really know by now. And in all actuality, I should remember how I was in my younger days of music lessons (and later days really, if I'm being completely honest). These things almost never get done with time to spare. It's sometimes better to leave the student to their own devices, and trust that you've done something - everything you possibly can, aside from taking up residence in their home, to ensure that you've planted your musical seed in their minds. So someday, when they are ready, they can take that seed and nurture it into a musician plant that practices efficiently and effectively (and slowly), who enjoys working through trouble spots, who can get through the cracks into the depths of the sounds and enjoy the music for what it is, and not just for the notes on the page.

In the end, this is what's most important. To get to the point where you enjoy it, thoroughly, truly and fully - to play (battle) through the hard times and take advantage of the inspired times, and rise to the top. I'm so proud of my students for getting to this point today, especially for being proud of themselves and realizing the progress that they've made in such a short amount of time.

I'm thankful to them, for being able to share that with me - even if it's just in the knick of time. It's a magical moment to see your student as a budding young musician who realizes the power behind the music they're making. And all the while most importantly, having the time of their lives making it.