am i there yet?

Well...I could start off this post explaining how busy the past month or two or three have been. How I've just started my laundry tonight after over a month of laundry non-doing, how every spare second I seem to have is spent cleaning the house, or working on our deck. How we've had the cable cut for almost a month and I haven't even noticed, how I thought Friday would be my last hectic day before summer started, which was pushed until Saturday, then Sunday, then Monday, then Tuesday...well Wednesday (today) wasn't so bad...but I won't...well I guess I already have, haven't I?

So, let's see what's changed:

1) I've finished my last big stationery project - some gorgeous wedding invites for a friend, though we're not quite done as she still needs some stationery items for her reception, though the order won't be as big or complicated.

2) I've finished teaching regular private lessons until September, though I'll be keeping a few students on throughout the summer.

3) Our deck is slowly coming along - my mom says it all the time, and she's so right - how on earth did we get this far with the limited amount of time Noel and I have to spend on it?? Anyway, I'm hoping it's done in enough time to enjoy it this summer and still have time to replant the grass and make our back yard look healthy.

4) We've been mostly refunded for our shoddy fence job done last November. SUPER! We'll fix the gate and leave the rest to be dealt with next year I think.

5) We now have 2 leaky toilets instead of 1...oh the perils. Thankfully they leak into the bowl and not onto the floor...still though. Waste of water and money.

6) Altra Volta has finished up for the summer too, our last concert was on Sunday and we rocked!

7) I've almost secured times for all my students in the fall, so my schedule is firming up nicely and I've changed my working hours to be done at 6:30 everyday, rather than working till 8:00 some days. This allows my brain to relax in the evening like normal people, and hopefully Noel and I can have dinner together once in a while, and not just at his parents' house!

8) I've found a new dentist who actually cares about my teeth and their future health, not just their health 'right now'. Her name is Dr. Cedergren. She's fabulous.

9) I decided not to take the position on the board for Alberta Winds, which takes a HUGE load off of this summer and in the future, though I'll still be taking care of small marketing tasks.

10) Sweeney Todd music is in, so I've got to go get that picked up soon!!

Hang on a sec...this is suddenly turning into a to-do list...uh oh. Anyway, there are a tonne of things I want to do this summer. I want to paint pictures for our bedroom, develope wedding photos, throw cute Martha Stewart style parties on our new deck when it's done. I want to move the shed and plant a vegetable garden. I want to have lush green healthy grass. I want to clear out the guest room and basement. I want to re-evaluate the possibility of getting a dog this summer, I want to face-lift our front yard that looks like absolute hell right now (though I love the idea of halting the wide-spread use of herbicides). I want some time with my husband to plan our trip while in NY. I want to paint my toe nails, have breakfasts with my husband again. I just want to LIVE! I believed all of this could happen, but so far my everyday life has been filled with these little tasks that I just can't seem to shake!! I think I'm stuck in a timewarp of stress, and I can't remember how to get out!! Imagining having a dog or even babies in the future makes me really panicky right now - I never thought things could be this busy!

Ok, good news then - we're going camping with close friends next weekend, if that doesn't get me out of this rut I don't know what will! And it'll be good to go on more coffee dates with my girlfriends, and continue to plan our July road trip together, and I should take advantage of having my mom work with us on the deck and have mother-daughter conversations with her too.

I guess I believe life will get back to normal, I just thought it would have happened by now and it's freaking me out a little bit. I can't live like this forever!

Well it was good to get bits and pieces of that out, I can't seem to form sentances well enough to say it all outloud. But this was good enough. I've begun to think that I shouldn't be using two different blogs to discuss basically the same things...initially I thought it would be a good idea to not pollute the family blog with junk like this, but maybe it belongs there? Who knows...maybe it will make more sense when I've got a proper head on my shoulders. This post turned out a little more depressing than I meant it to be! Can't wait to feel good again posting about silly little things that make my world go 'round...

♥

fried brains

My brains are fried!! Too much computer time...but I got a lot done. I finally finished my clients' preliminary templates, so I can get started on finishing my last stationery project, FINALLY!!

And I made a greenvite for a friends' concert, which she loves and is sending out to all of her students' parents...too bad I don't have a proper greenvite website set up. But that will all come in due time - who knows if it's something I'll actually stick to anyway! In the meantime, it's so refreshing to be able to design without waste...next step is to greenpower my website. One day at a time...

On a fun note, as I leaned over too far and nearly toppled out of my chair, my big toe smacked my computer tower and BEHOLD! A stunning array of gadget holes revealed themselves...a mic/earphone/something else hole AND! 2 USB holes!!! For almost 2 years Noel and I, amongst others, had wondered why on earth my computer didn't have USB plugs in the FRONT of my tower. So I'd been hooking things up in the back all this time, getting more and more frustrated plugging and unplugging things and moving the tower in and out...in...and out. Finally I have this frontal option. Excellent.

As I'm blabbering on, I'm also realizing that it's been over a month since I've written. That will give you an idea as to what kind of month it's been. Well, 3 more weeks left until I'm summer bound...and can't wait :)

lesson learned

I did something really dumb yesterday...well it's sort of a dumb thing that stretches out over the last 12 days or so. A friend of a friend needed some Baptism invitations done for her baby boy...

When he was first born, I helped my friend create baby announcements and shower invitations for her friend, the mom, and I did it for practically free - all that was paid for was the material. My friend was giving them as a gift for her friend, the mom, and I agreed to design and help put them together for free as a gift to my friend. It was SO fun designing with a good friend at my side, we had a blast and I really enjoyed making things for babies (this was my first baby project). This was not the dumb thing I did, this was really really great.

So then almost two weeks ago, the mom contacted me herself to ask about Baptism Invitations. I was thrilled that she liked her announcement and shower invites, and agreed whole heartedly to create Baptism invitations, and was very excited about it!! So excited in fact, that I didn't think it was necessary to have her sign a contract because she was a friend of a friend and was such a sweet person when we spoke over the phone.

We agreed on a price of $3.00 per invitation over the phone, and so I went and designed a few samples for her to choose from. I've been so busy this past week that I spent my spare time designing for her, rather than hanging out with my husband, practicing for a concert that happened last night, or marking my students' theory homework. I was so proud of the work I'd done and couldn't wait to show my client what we could do for her, I emailed JPEGS of 4 different samples and waited for a reply.

Later last night I got a response, which kindly said "thank you for the wonderful samples, but they are costing a little more than I had wanted and have decided to make them myself". No problem...wait, big problem. I had already done all that design work and sent her my samples which could absolutely be copied, or even printed directly from the JPEG onto photo paper or something of the sort to create a very nice invitation, and yes much cheaper than what I was charging. And I didn't have her sign a contract (which I normally do before any sort of work is done) so there was absolutely no obligation for her to hire me - I just didn't think I needed to have her sign one in this situation. But how could these be costing more than she wanted if I landed the dollar right on her $3.00 mark?? What the hell happened?

Sheepishly I had to email her back and tell her that it was fine, good luck on her project - oh and please don't copy my designs. I felt horrible even mentioning the issue of copyright, but I really felt that I had to. I felt totally screwed over, used. I gave her exactly what she asked for, at the price she was asking for. I just don't see the reason for her to cancel her request - coincidentally immediately after I sent the samples her way.

I should have known, but I guess now I really do. And luckily it wasn't a huge project anyways. Lesson learned then. It's just saddening, this was one of my last projects until/if I decide to continue the stationery business - feels like a tainted way to leave it. *sigh*

murphy's law

Well, I came to a final decision regarding my small stationery business just yesterday and for the very first time, turned down a new client. I felt good about it for a moment, regretted it the next, and then again felt that I had made the right choice. I'm still going back and forth about it but I know that soon enough, when the previous work is finished, I'll be happy I made this decision!

Today though, I get a new client inquiry first thing in the morning. This evening, I get a phone call from yet another new client. What on earth?! I suppose it's my fault for not having time to update our website (http://www.everythingdolce.com/) with news of our demise just yet. BUT, I just don't understand how it's possible that the very next day following the halt to our production, that I'm being bombarded with new clients. I'm definitely still going back and forth on the decision. I know that right now, it's just not possible for me to handle. But all of this attention is inspiring me to just keep it going, to open the doors again and just charge exactly what I think is fair for me to be paid, even if it's outrageous, unrealistic and unaffordable for the client. I know that's not right - and I also really know that that would involve restructuring the entire business, and I really really know how much time that would take. It's just not worth it right now.

Perhaps in a couple years, when I have babies and am not teaching a full student load. Maybe then, I can spend time (I just heard all you mothers out there say 'yea, right') getting my business licence, my provincial resale licence, my provincial Tax ID number, my federal Tax ID number, and a business chequing account, not to mention investing cold hard cash into a wholesale membership to get my clients the best deals and still make a good profit...and just do this thing for real...if this ever happens.

Until then, or until forever, I plan on making a living just teaching my fabulous students and rediscovering the joy, passion and drive I have for music making and performing...more news on this to come :)

the decision

Today feels like the beginning to an end. After a night's sleep on it, and after discussing with my wonderfully supportive husband, I feel that the end to my stationery business is near. It wasn't just the one chat we had - there have been multiple serious conversations on the success of the business, the reality of the outcomes, my goals that (at least right now) are very unrealistic. It feels like I'm breaking up with it...really sad and confusing, going back and forth on the decision, unwilling to let go but only for the reason that you put so much of your heart and soul, and T I M E into it - I don't think anyone can fathom the amount of time I've sacrificed besides my husband and I - But now that people around me are agreeing with it I feel so much better about the choice that I believe I will make soon. Already I'm feeling lighter, like I can finally prioritize my priorities, spend time on my music which is what I've been training for my whole life and where my very real passion lies. Not to mention actually hang out with my husband without cutting and gluing paper at the same time.

This feels like the right decision. A very right decision. I shouldn't feel the need to spread myself so thin, and hone all my talents in every aspect of life. I can still do this stationery thing for myself, like most people, and put my focus into something that I've already spent 18 years creating. The Music. My Music.

Yup, this feels good.

entrepreneurial woes

Starting your own business is no easy task...especially when you're not the one in control of every aspect. I'm experiencing issue after issue with my dear, small stationery business. I've been an entrepreneur my entire working life, teaching private music lessons in my own home as my first job. That quickly blossomed into a healthy and thriving home studio with over 20 fantastic students (yup, that's a full evening schedule for sure). But teaching privately, I had never come across these sort of issues. I only had to depend on one person, me, and I can always depend on myself.

I'm not sure what I find so conflicting with my stationery business. I find it hard to put forth loads of cash for memberships at private stationery wholesalers, also cash for business registration and tax numbers to receive these discounts. Equally hard is buying marked up stationery from suppliers who sell to the entire public. This is extremely serious money for a not-so-serious, but thoroughly dedicated small side-business.

I guess am aware that the real problem is money v.s. labour. Really, how much is fair to charge the clients? And how much is fair to charge for myself? For my time, which I take very seriously. I also take extreme pride in being a perfectionist. My clients will always get perfect, gorgeous invitations, every time. There is no doubt about it - but how are they to trust in me, their stationer and stranger? And how can I justify charging what I feel is fair for my labour, when they don't yet know the quality of product they will be receiving? Tricky indeed...

So I keep going back and forth on pricing. What it comes down to, is that I'm either not charging enough for the work I know I will put into the job, or I'm charging too much for some clients to afford. Unfortunately what's been happening is that I end up not charging nearly enough to make a reasonable profit for the work that I've done. Technically - no profit at all. I can't possibly feel good about making $150-$200 profit from a job that I will be investing at least 24 hours in. That works out to $8.00 an hour, less than minimum wage for an adult with a degree and mortgage payments. I make more than 5x that much teaching privately...

You see what I mean? Sometimes I wonder what I'm getting myself into, but I enjoy it SO much. Paper is a sick passion for me. I love the textures, the lustre, the weight of it. How it looks in combination with print and other papers. And envelopes!!! Don't get me started...I feel like I should be charging what couture stationery designers charge. I just don't have that experience (though my finished product begs to differ), and I'm not using fancy printing techniques.

So I'm stuck here, in 'cost' limbo. Is this really worth it? The hours I'm spending alone on just trying to figure this all out? Do all small business's start out this way? My first one sure didn't. It's super confusing...at the same time, even with all this pain, I still don't want to give it up. I feel like I will one day come to a solution...but I just don't see that path yet, not even close. *sigh* How frustrating...

Friends I am absolutely doing your wedding invitations. The whole point of all of this, comes down to me loving stationery and you. So doing them for you makes it worth my time alone. Besides...I know your hands will be full of paper cuts right along with me.

my work space

My desk is an absolute complete mess this morning. It's a combination of me letting it slowly build up (piles...no...swarms of paperwork and important documents) and it being one of the craziest weekends. Nothing huge happened, but it was just "go go go" every second from the time my eyes opened in the morning until I passed out late in the evening. I just didn't have time to organize these papers, so instead I piled everything on top of everything else (my mom would vouch for me being a stacker my entire life...and also for the fact that my desk has always looked like this when I was living at home).

We [Noel and I] had a client over for a wedding music/stationery consultation on Saturday evening. She was just lovely, and is going to be great to work with over the coming months. We're both totally excited for her wedding in July! Outdoors, in the evening. Couldn't be more perfect! So along with her papers, I've got multiple other clients' papers, whom we've been in touch with recently. It's not even just that, but piles of colourful cardstock cut beautifully into squares ready for me to take the glue to them, and colour swatches everywhere. I mean everywhere. I don't know how this little business became a thriving one so quickly, but I really shouldn't complain. In this economy, I'm lucky to be working and making a living. Thankfully, the clients never see this desk. All they know is our clean and pristine main floor, which is constantly maintained for the plethora of students I have coming in and out all week.

Well, it's definitely harder to be productive when my desk looks like this...but somehow it's a little bit inspiring, so instead of cleaning it up, I'm blogging about it. hee hee. Don't I have file folders or other organizing tools? Yup, you bet I do. Do I use them? Sometimes...I'm learning. Mostly I just like the way they look (I get the ones with fun, pretty patterns on them in coordinating colours). The other day I was at Chapters, and bought some great items on an amazing sale. A bright shiny red box to stand my files in, and a matching little 'vase' type thing to hold my pens, scissors, ruler etc etc. So at the very least, I'm on the path to somewhere far away from this cluttered desk.

Ok - I shouldn't put it off any longer. Darling desk, here I come.