caught in a time warp

Holy crap! Firstly, October 8th feels like months ago. Secondly, I cannot believe that it's almost November, and that totally contradicts with my first statement. What the hell happened to the first two months back to work? This is insane. I've been so busy and caught up in a million little projects that each day and week runs into eachother and I can't tell where I am, what's coming up next or what I've done so far (and you're over here, and he's over there and I can't tell which way is up!)

And on top of all of that, I'm probably driving myself into the relms of insanity...seriously, today is Friday, and I have my Friday students come once a week (on Friday...) but honest to God I feel like I've been seeing these Friday kids for the third day in a row now. I remember exactly our lessons from last week and the week before, I remember what we talked about. I remember it even better than I remember what I did this morning when I got out of bed. Am I going crazy? Could this be perhaps the symptoms of a universe about to implode? Probably not...but it would make sense. Just wish we had some sort of warning system in place for that, because then I would just stop working and enjoy life on this planet for the few short days before implosion occurs.

I think things will calm down shortly...my to do lists were never ending, and I couldn't seem to scratch anything off. But lately they've been dwindling, though filling up just as quickly with new tasks, but at least there's been a change. Next week's list doesn't look bad at all actually...now if I could just make it through this weekend and Monday, I'll be fine!

PLUS SIDE: It's payday this weekend, and that's awesome. Also - the last movie we went to had projection issues (that we barely noticed) and we got free passes to make up for it, so we're going tonight! An absolutely necessary and well deserved break on both of our parts.

september snow

*aaaaahhh* Snow - perfect and unique little crystals, as delicate as your foggy breath on a cold morning. Decorating trees and rooftops more gracefully than any other thing or living being could. Prompting the unpacking of snuggly things like scarves and mittens, and warm fuzzy boots. Bringing pink to our cheeks and wet to our noses. Making hot chocolate seem like it was heaven sent, and tea the most beloved beverage on the planet. You make candles seem brighter, and fires seem warmer. You make staying in feel like a treat, and still let us watch you from our frosty windows. You are cold, but you bring warmth to our hearts.

I loooooove you snow. I hope you don't take it personally that when February rolls around I wish you had never came. But right now, I'm so happy you're here!

next time...

When talking with the average person, they're always surprised when I tell them that I work from home teaching music lessons in the evenings. Inevitably, this question comes up: "Oh, well do you have a day job?". Ok, I guess I can understand why the average person would ask this. The average person works during the day, 9-5 maybe, gets home, makes dinner, watches TV and goes to bed. I get this probably once a week, even from people who know me very well, but I was asked this just yesterday, and found myself extremely internally frustrated with this person as if they expected that "of course I would have a day job, what else on earth could I possibly be doing during the day", and all I could answer was, "no". She even went as far to say: "This is why you have a husband!" I was so insulted that like an idiot, I giggled and said jokingly, "haha yes". What I should have said was one of two things:

1) Oh, well do you have an evening job? Does your husband have a uni-brow?

2) Well, considering I'm a professional musician and own my own business teaching music lessons in the evening after kids are home from school, and take it very seriously, here's a detailed list of things I could be doing at any given point during each day:

• Practicing

• Marking theory assignments

• Arranging songs and pieces for students and ensembles

• Lesson planning

• Teaching clinics

• Researching new books, teaching methods, and instruments

• Scheduling weekly lessons and make up lessons

• Answering emails, making phone calls

• Writing and designing newsletters, contracts, policies, registration forms, websites

• Accounting and budgeting for my own business

• Building clientele and advertising

So, please ask me again if I have a day job. Listen sister, this is my day job, my evening job, my weekend job. I run my business alone, from top to bottom. I don't have employees with specific titles who can take care of specific individual responsibilities, I do the job 6 people would do, I have to be well rounded, I do it all, I'm it. And while you get to leave your work at work and proceed home in the evening to make dinner with your significant other and wind down in front of the TV, this is what I could be doing:

• Teaching back to back music lessons to wonderful children

• Rehearsals for three separate ensembles

• Concerts for three separate ensembles

• See everything else above

And when you're spending weekends prettying up your garden, drinking cocktails on your deck, catching up on your favourite TV shows and surfing the net, spending time with family and friends, this is what I could be doing:

• Wedding Gigs

• See everything else above

And no, I am not complaining. I love my job, I love being responsible for every working aspect of my home business, I love being in control. Because I work for myself, I do manage to find spare time at my own discretion to do the following things which I could be doing at any given point of the day, evening or weekend, which probably gives the average person the impression that I'm sitting on my ass twiddling my thumbs, but be warned, you are wrong:

• Check my personal emails

• Make personal phone calls

• Blog

• Watch TV

• Make all 3 meals of the day + snacks

• Eat, shower and use the toilet

• Spend time with friends and family

• Hang out with my beloved husband

• I could find the time to exercise if I wanted to...

• Read books, play sudoku and the occasional video game

• Run errands
• Grocery Shopping
• House cleaning
• Laundry
• Traveling

Now, let me address the reason I have a husband. We met, we became best friends, we fell in love, we have common interests and goals, we wanted to spend the rest of our beautiful lives together. I consider myself financially independant, I did not marry to be supported. Teaching music lessons and playing professionally is an extremely lucrative career, I probably get paid more per hour than you do if you must know. But it's true, my hours are limited and dependant on the schedule of other people. And it's also true that I can't afford to live in this house on my own. But neither could he, and neither could you. So take that, witch.

If only I could have thought that fast, it would have felt like a gigantic slap in the face so hard she'd turn red from the mere thought of it. I suppose I'd then have to explain that I'm not necessarily exploding exclusively at her. I've just simply reached the breaking point, I refuse to let other people make me think that I don't work hard, and I refuse to let them believe the same. I already feel sorry for the next person to tread on this sensative subject, but may the truth be known. I work equally as hard if not harder than you.

Power to the self-employed!!!!

savasana chakrasana

I guess I haven't been writing much this summer, so I've got to make up for it now! Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I couldn't get my mind to calm down. I felt like my heart was beating too fast, there were a million thoughts all jumbled up and I couldn't focus on any one for a length of time. I've been getting headaches daily, around the same time every day (today too without fail) so bad that I have to lie down for them to get better. And generally I've just been feeling out of sorts and not myself...and this is summer for goodness sakes! I should be more like myself than ever before!

So I decided to lay flat on my back in Savasana. It's been SO long that I've done yoga, that I chalked a lot of the way I've been feeling up to missing it dearly. I took long, deep breaths and really tried to get inside my own head. I made myself focus on just me, only me. Trying to figure out what it was that was bothering me, and all I could see was black (I can hear Noel saying: Open your eyes! haha) But seriously. It was like I was looking into a toxic black hole. I couldn't find anything to pick out, it was just all dark, weak and sick feeling. Then I became worried about my mental and physical well-being. This couldn't be healthy. But even in those 15 or so minutes of lying there, I already started to feel better. I tried to pull out the toxic darkness that resided in my head, and began releasing whatever it was that was dragging me down.

Firstly, I'm starting to realize that I need to stop putting a price on my health and well-being. Even when I'm not working summers, I need to do what it takes to make sure that I'm exersizing the body and mind. Whether that's saving up during the year, or creating something I can do from home. It's got to be something, and it's got to include Yoga.

My flute teacher used to talk about Chakra's (aalll the time) and I thought it was so cool, but I had never done extensive research on the subject. I always knew that it was something important to learn about and understand, but never got around to it. Basically, there are 7 centers of energy, or chakras, in the body that reside in different levels vertically along your mid-line. And if any one of these chakras are out of balance, it puts the whole thing off kilter and you just don't function the way you should.

I put chakra in google, and found this test (don't worry - I'm not stopping here. This is just fun and preliminary) here.

Already this says a lot about the way I've been feeling. Check out the meaning here. Clearly my root and crown chakras have been suffering, and I didn't need a quiz to help me figure that out. But I'm about to delve in the wonderful and beautiful world of chakras and figure out how to balance myself back to normal.

I should also point out something really interesting. Just over a month ago I had a Chakra Massage in Canmore. They started it off by having you choose 3 out of 7 cards (chakra cards) based on the symbol, colour, word or general feeling you get just by looking at them. I chose heart, third eye and crown. All of which are out of balance...then again it looks like almost all of me is out of balance.

I'll be sure to post any updates in my chakra adventures! Tonight I'm chanting "Lam" as I sit touching my thumbs and forefingers together.

growing

As I'm sitting and contemplating the meaning of life, I've decided that it would be really fun to make a list of all the things I can do when I grow up. Things I've tried or have wanted to try but always forget about because of all the distractions around me. Things that I love and am extremely passionate about, things that excite me and that make a positive difference in someone's life, whether it's mine or yours! Here we go:

• Elementary/Music School Teacher
• Musical Therapist
• Web Designer
• Yoga Instructor
• Reiki Practitioner
• Organic Herbalist
• Organic Aromatherapist/Essential Oil Maker
• An eco-stationer
• I've always had this idea that when I have kids, I'm going to invent something kid-related that's so awesome we can live off of for the rest of our lives
• Baker/Pastry Chef

Hang on...I think there's more. In my head this list seemed so long and never-ending!

What scared me a little bit today was that I really can't see myself teaching private music lessons for the rest of my life. Maybe that will change, but right now envisioning myself in my 40's and still teaching privately makes me really anxious. Like there's something else I need to bring into my life to feel well rounded and accomplished. I feel like I just need a change of pace to clear my head a little bit (it's been 10 years already!!) and refresh. That, and also almost all of my closest friends are school teachers and sometimes I enjoy just fitting in. There's nothing wrong with wanting to fit in once in a while!

At least I think I know one thing for sure - I'll be working for myself for the rest of my life. I've been tempted lately to go out and find a part-time job at a bakery or cute retail shop...but definitely not something I'd stick to for long. And working in a school is sort of like working for yourself. You've got your class, your room, and your lesson plans. Seems like a lot you have control over (maybe I'm totally wrong)...

Sometimes, I just want to live in the bush, run around bare foot, sleep on straw and eat things straight from the ground. Is that weird?

am i there yet?

Well...I could start off this post explaining how busy the past month or two or three have been. How I've just started my laundry tonight after over a month of laundry non-doing, how every spare second I seem to have is spent cleaning the house, or working on our deck. How we've had the cable cut for almost a month and I haven't even noticed, how I thought Friday would be my last hectic day before summer started, which was pushed until Saturday, then Sunday, then Monday, then Tuesday...well Wednesday (today) wasn't so bad...but I won't...well I guess I already have, haven't I?

So, let's see what's changed:

1) I've finished my last big stationery project - some gorgeous wedding invites for a friend, though we're not quite done as she still needs some stationery items for her reception, though the order won't be as big or complicated.

2) I've finished teaching regular private lessons until September, though I'll be keeping a few students on throughout the summer.

3) Our deck is slowly coming along - my mom says it all the time, and she's so right - how on earth did we get this far with the limited amount of time Noel and I have to spend on it?? Anyway, I'm hoping it's done in enough time to enjoy it this summer and still have time to replant the grass and make our back yard look healthy.

4) We've been mostly refunded for our shoddy fence job done last November. SUPER! We'll fix the gate and leave the rest to be dealt with next year I think.

5) We now have 2 leaky toilets instead of 1...oh the perils. Thankfully they leak into the bowl and not onto the floor...still though. Waste of water and money.

6) Altra Volta has finished up for the summer too, our last concert was on Sunday and we rocked!

7) I've almost secured times for all my students in the fall, so my schedule is firming up nicely and I've changed my working hours to be done at 6:30 everyday, rather than working till 8:00 some days. This allows my brain to relax in the evening like normal people, and hopefully Noel and I can have dinner together once in a while, and not just at his parents' house!

8) I've found a new dentist who actually cares about my teeth and their future health, not just their health 'right now'. Her name is Dr. Cedergren. She's fabulous.

9) I decided not to take the position on the board for Alberta Winds, which takes a HUGE load off of this summer and in the future, though I'll still be taking care of small marketing tasks.

10) Sweeney Todd music is in, so I've got to go get that picked up soon!!

Hang on a sec...this is suddenly turning into a to-do list...uh oh. Anyway, there are a tonne of things I want to do this summer. I want to paint pictures for our bedroom, develope wedding photos, throw cute Martha Stewart style parties on our new deck when it's done. I want to move the shed and plant a vegetable garden. I want to have lush green healthy grass. I want to clear out the guest room and basement. I want to re-evaluate the possibility of getting a dog this summer, I want to face-lift our front yard that looks like absolute hell right now (though I love the idea of halting the wide-spread use of herbicides). I want some time with my husband to plan our trip while in NY. I want to paint my toe nails, have breakfasts with my husband again. I just want to LIVE! I believed all of this could happen, but so far my everyday life has been filled with these little tasks that I just can't seem to shake!! I think I'm stuck in a timewarp of stress, and I can't remember how to get out!! Imagining having a dog or even babies in the future makes me really panicky right now - I never thought things could be this busy!

Ok, good news then - we're going camping with close friends next weekend, if that doesn't get me out of this rut I don't know what will! And it'll be good to go on more coffee dates with my girlfriends, and continue to plan our July road trip together, and I should take advantage of having my mom work with us on the deck and have mother-daughter conversations with her too.

I guess I believe life will get back to normal, I just thought it would have happened by now and it's freaking me out a little bit. I can't live like this forever!

Well it was good to get bits and pieces of that out, I can't seem to form sentances well enough to say it all outloud. But this was good enough. I've begun to think that I shouldn't be using two different blogs to discuss basically the same things...initially I thought it would be a good idea to not pollute the family blog with junk like this, but maybe it belongs there? Who knows...maybe it will make more sense when I've got a proper head on my shoulders. This post turned out a little more depressing than I meant it to be! Can't wait to feel good again posting about silly little things that make my world go 'round...

♥

fried brains

My brains are fried!! Too much computer time...but I got a lot done. I finally finished my clients' preliminary templates, so I can get started on finishing my last stationery project, FINALLY!!

And I made a greenvite for a friends' concert, which she loves and is sending out to all of her students' parents...too bad I don't have a proper greenvite website set up. But that will all come in due time - who knows if it's something I'll actually stick to anyway! In the meantime, it's so refreshing to be able to design without waste...next step is to greenpower my website. One day at a time...

On a fun note, as I leaned over too far and nearly toppled out of my chair, my big toe smacked my computer tower and BEHOLD! A stunning array of gadget holes revealed themselves...a mic/earphone/something else hole AND! 2 USB holes!!! For almost 2 years Noel and I, amongst others, had wondered why on earth my computer didn't have USB plugs in the FRONT of my tower. So I'd been hooking things up in the back all this time, getting more and more frustrated plugging and unplugging things and moving the tower in and out...in...and out. Finally I have this frontal option. Excellent.

As I'm blabbering on, I'm also realizing that it's been over a month since I've written. That will give you an idea as to what kind of month it's been. Well, 3 more weeks left until I'm summer bound...and can't wait :)

exhausted

It's been one of those week's - or few week's - I haven't been able to settle down and really focus on any one project. There have been a million things happening all at once, each of them of seemingly equal importance. The TO-DO lists continue to grow no matter how many items I scratch off. It feels like the craziness is almost over, but then something else always pops up...I don't consider myself to be the kind of person who can't say no. I absolutely do for certain things. And everything I'm doing right now is something that I love, but it still feels like too much!

Then again, when I remove myself from the situation(s) I do see the light at the end of the tunnel...maybe the end really is near. I am finally working on my last stationery client (at least for this next long while). I have almost single-handedly finished rounding up a full and amazingly talented orchestra for FRC's production of Sweeney Todd this fall, whom I'm so excited to play with and honoured that they would play in it with me...hmm...and I'm back now. After the above mentioned tasks are completed, it will be June and a whole schwack of new things to do will creep onto the pages of my already cramping agenda...oh well. 'Tis life.

It's definitely time to call it a night either way. I wonder how long I'll let myself stay on the computer tomorrow...never mind tomorrow. How long tonight?? I've got to figure out how to turn the brightness down on the monitor. Wonder what kind of bed-time snack I could come up with. Oops, just realized I forgot to make the Banana Walnut Bran muffins I'd been wanting to make since Sunday. Maybe tomorrow, but then Noel won't be home to enjoy them with me until Thursday night. Must get into pajamas as soon as possible. And put hair in a ponytail. Maybe popcorn. And hot chocolate. Maybe not.

Yup, that's pretty much how the brain is working right now.

elephant artist

If you know me well, you know that I have always had a love for elephants! I have collections of stuffed elephants, of all shapes and sizes. On my music shelf I have all sorts of elephant paraphernalia, and we can't forget about the magnetic plush elephant who lives on the side of my fridge. My niece waves to him every time she passes by. I just realized that Noel has never even once, commented on my elephant collection or asked me to get rid of them. Honey, you're so sweet! I hope you're also thankful that it's not a continuously growing collection...

My mom sent me this video, you have to watch till the very end. Such peaceful, thoughtful creatures. Every stroke is like magic happening right before your eyes!

subscribe by email ...and tea post?

In a rash decision to create a blog for the Peredo/Amante family so that we can all keep in touch easily, I thought I'd check first if I could get an email subscription working for the blog, the easiest way for everyone to receive updates and family event information. So I put it on my page first to see if it works...and here it is! This should arrive in my email, and after I press 'Publish' I'll promptly go and check to see how it turns out.

We'll see if I continue with the idea for a family blog...we were thinking that chances are I might be the only one using it. Well...maybe me and our techno-savvy Uncle Glenn. So we're probably going to put that on hold until we've breifed everyone on the idea and have their OK on participation. In the meantime, it's easier for you to subscribe to my blog.

Oh dear. Hello teapots. How did you get here? Well the truth is, I was really just randomly searching for a picture to place in this post to see how it turns out in the email subscription update, and I love teapots so I searched that first. Somehow I ended up on these ones...which also reveal a secret 'thing' I have for everyday real things that have been re-created with stuffing for insides. What a lucky find!! See more from Jodie at Ric-Rac.

keeping me company

With everything that's happening around here these days, all the stress and worrying about my business, it makes me so happy to know that people are making a living by just simply being creative. Seeing these hand made pieces of art make me absolutely warm and squishy inside - exactly what I need before getting under the covers to keep my mind off of other things. All of the photos below are taken from Udessi, an online gallery showcasing Australian artists and their creative output - how did I end up here, you might ask? It was a "Blog of Note" recently. For very good reasons. I highly recommend you take time for a visit!

This gorgeous pillow reminds me of the redecorating Noel and I just did in our master bedroom. How absolutely perfect it would be to sit this atop our new, fresh white bed linens, to compliment the other dusty/pale blue, grey and wooden accents we've chosen for our room. And it's just the perfect mix of the sweet, contemporary, retro, vintage style that we're going for too...I want this pillow. Badly. And lots of others just like it (cushion cover designed and made by hand by artist Carmel Killin from Feed the Dog).

These sweetie little bunnies are exactly my weakness. There are few things that I love more than stuffed animal friends that are brand new, but look like they have been well loved. They're so simple these tiny stuffed creatures, there's nothing over the top about them, they aren't fancy or pretentious - they just....I can't quite think of the word right now. Something about them reminds me of children's books like, "The Velveteen Rabbit". They remind me of growing up...maybe not me specifically. But in those classic tales there always seems to be a stuffed bunny who looks just like these guys. These "Biscuit Bunnies" are made by Florence Forrest from Flying Star Toys. Can't you imagine your future babies, wearing one piece pyjama's (with booties, of course) waddling around holding Mr. Biscuit by one ear with the other hand's thumb in their mouth? This is too sweet.

I love you biscuit bunny. I wish I could take you home with me.

i can see you

I don't know if I'm being paranoid or what, but I swear that every time I look out of my front window there is someone watching. Especially bylaw officers. One was here yesterday in a truck and parked himself a ways down the cul-de-sac...and today there was another one parked right on the main street with a perfectly clear view of my house and of the neighbors house who filed the complaint. As soon as my sister came to pick up her daughter from my care, the bylaw officer left...what were they doing here?? Am I going to get another letter in the mail saying that I can't babysit my own niece in my own home??? Next thing I know I'll be getting complaints about having my own babies living in my own house. My God.

Perhaps I'm starting to let the world revolve around me a little bit, but I really feel as though everyone is out to get me. I'm not allowed to screw up. There's a shimmery translucent layer of very light snow on our sidewalk, and even though you can see the ground through it, I feel like I should go and shovel before someone says something.

I just feel terrible about this whole situation. Like I've done something very very wrong. Even though I haven't. I feel like there shouldn't be this much back-lash (if you can call this back-lash) just for teaching music lessons out of my own home. Why couldn't my damn neighbor just tell me that they'd appreciate it if I didn't allow my students to idle in their cars around her house? Why am I feeling so guilty about all of this? It's eating away at me really quickly, and I meant to give my application in today, but I ran out of time. So now I have a whole extra night to stew and worry about it. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself, this is insane.

simply living life

As I was playing with my niece, eating an orange and trying to clean out our old PVR recordings I turned on an Oprah episode from Monday. It was about turning down the luxuries in life that we don't need but have grown to expect or to 'think' that we need. About how we've learned to be wasteful with the things we do have, how to stop consuming and how to start learning to live with just the basics and being happy cherishing everything you have in life - not material things, but your family, friends and valuing your own life.

I watched an incredibly inspiring and uplifting story about a mother of 2 who felt like she was living in a false life built on 'stuff' and 'money'. She discarded it all for a tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere with her 2 young children and found the deep down happiness in life she'd been longing for. See the article here.

Photo: Rob Howard

By no means do I feel that Noel and I are living a wasteful life, or that we take what we have for granted. But I do think that we could easily fall into a destructive path of wanting and buying without noticing that we'd gone too far. I've noticed that just recently we've been talking about all kinds of ways to make life simple and peaceful again in our busy non-stop working lives. Both of us come from very simple backgrounds (in some ways) and we both know that filling our lives with things and stuff isn't what we truly want or need, but that it's just so easy to do that it takes extra care to keep it from happening.

Noel has given up TV on weekdays for lent. I've given up working on the weekends and late evening hours. It's only been a few days and already life has changed. I don't watch a lot of TV in the first place, and watching is so much less enjoyable when there's no one to watch with. So we spend our meals in front of each other catching up. And instead of TV before bed, we talk or read a book. It's so quiet in this house now!! You can be deep in thought in all hours of the day because you don't have that constant 'noise' in the background.

Suddenly we have more time on our hands to do productive things, like practice our music or clean the house. We did a complete over-haul on our office this past weekend and came out with 3 garbage bags of paper and a trunk full of cardboard to recycle. I can't imagine how we lived with all that trash (in one room) for so long. It's got me aching to do the same for the guest room - there is a pile of wedding stuff that I haven't touched for a year and a half...ooh and how about getting rid of the clothes in the back of our closet that I haven't even looked at since we moved in...

We're also taking it easy on big purchases - especially considering the economic crisis and our amazing trip to NY this summer! So we're thinking (a lot) before buying...like couches and SUV's. I think we're realizing that if it's not something we need right now, we shouldn't purchase, even if it's affordable...although being able to sit 2 of us comfortably on a couch right now is really tempting.

Anyway, there is a lot more to simple living than you might think. I plan on getting to know how to incorporate it into our lives over the next few months as summer approaches, it'll do a world of good for our home and our life.